Jesus and Anti-Depressants

"Not sure who this is for... but there is a prevailing belief out there, that for a person to be ‘healed,’ they need to come to a point where they don’t need the medication any longer.

Thus...

There’s a person that needs to be on medication but isn’t because it supposedly means that he or she doesn’t trust God like their friend who does not need to take medication.

There’s a person that is on medication, but feels guilty for it, and remains hopeful that God will one day bring them to a place where they don’t need it any longer. But until that day, there will always be a feeling of ‘lesser than.’

I find the prevailing thought that causes these two responses to be misguided and simply untrue. Yes, someone can abuse medication, but that’s not you. And what if I told you that your healing, through the means of science/medication, was and is just as real and powerful as the person who was healed by the means of laying of hands? Sometimes, what’s important is not the means, but the Source.

And who created Science?

Rest assured to whoever this is to...your healing is just as divine. One of the many things Jesus did with his life, Death, & Resurrection was that he smashed the sacred/secular divide. So even though it looks different, your healing comes from the same Source."

- Zach Dickson

I shared this on my Facebook page in October of 2019, not knowing that I would soon be personally battling against these kinds of thoughts.

A little over a year ago, I made the decision to seek medical help for my mental health and was put on medication. And I have continued to take that medication ever since.

I spent the months leading up to that decision struggling to do even basic, everyday tasks. My home was in a constant state of disarray, dishes would sit in the sink for days on end; I spent my evenings finding distractions to avoid being alone with my thoughts. Over and over, I commanded myself to snap out of it, to go do the things that I knew I should, and yet, over and over, I did not. I seemed to only have enough emotional stamina for my 8 hour work day and nothing else. I stopped serving, stopped reading; stopped doing many things that had always given me joy because they just didn't anymore. Instead, they drained an already dangerously empty tank. I spent my time surviving throughout the day and not wanting to get out of bed the next morning.

During this time, I felt ashamed and weak; berating myself with thoughts:

"It has been almost 3 years since my brother died; I shouldn't be this messed up after all that time."

"I should be able to deal with this; it's just in my head."

"Medication would mean that I'm saying God isn't enough to bring me peace."

Thoughts that I immediately would have called out as lies in others felt very true to me, and kept me from seeking help. I have often spoken out about the stigma surrounding medication (particularly in the church), and yet, here I was, living under the same shameful stigma that I openly opposed.

Sometimes, we need other people to speak into our lives in order to see the truth.

And I am forever grateful that I had someone in my life who noticed that I just was not myself anymore. That I wasn't finding enjoyment and excitement in things that used to fill me with so much joy. And not only did she notice these things, she was also a supporter of medication in the area of mental health. With her encouragement and accountability, I finally made an appointment with my doctor and walked away with a prescription for anti-depressants.

And, slowly, I began to be me again. The medication didn't fix everything, but I began finding that I had energy at the end of the day again. I began to enjoy life again, to believe that things would not always be so difficult. By taking medication that addressed the chemicals in my brain and body, I was able to work through things that had been paralyzing me before. I still had battles to fight against my depression; medication just gave me enough space to throw some punches.

But, making the decision to take medication didn't flip some imaginary switch that made all the lies surrounding it disappear. I struggled to tell people, even people I trust, that I was taking anti-depressants. I dealt with the fear that people, particularly some Christian people, would think I had less faith, that I shouldn't be in spaces of Christian leadership because of it. I wrestled with the idea that this might be a forever situation for me; that I might never reach a place in my life where I no longer needed medication.

By the grace of God, I have had people walking alongside me throughout this journey that have called out these fears as the lies they were and reminded me consistently of the truth: that though people around me may ask, "What sin caused this struggle? What is lacking in your faith that makes you this way?", I can respond with confidence with the words of Jesus: Sin did not cause this. This is not about my lack but about His sufficiency. And He is going to use it to display His works in and through me. Because when I am weak, He is shown strong. [John 9:3-4; 2 Corinthians 12:10]

My decision to seek medication was, in actuality, an act of deep trust in Jesus and His ability to work healing in my life, not evidence of a lack of trust. And, if I am on anti-depressants for the remainder of my days, that in no way makes me less-than, or means that I have a lack of faith. It just means that Jesus has decided to use medication in my healing process, all for the glory of God to be displayed in my life.

So, if you find yourself where I was a little over a year ago, struggling with your mental health, yet afraid to reach out for help; let me be the person who gives you permission to seek out the help you need.

Prayer and professional counseling; messages on Sundays and medication; it all has been used by Jesus to bring healing to my life. I still fight the lies and the fear of what others may think about it, but my prayer during Mental Health Awareness month and always is that the truth would be spoken by so many that it would begin to drown out the lies.

And the truth is: healing is not about a choice between Jesus and professional help; it's about experiencing Jesus through professional help.

Friend, you are not alone. I am in your corner, and, more importantly, so is our Savior.